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Sorry about tonight’s social justice rants. This particular subject just hits a nerve, likely because I come from a family of teachers and because I live in a place where there aren’t many resources for LGBT+ and questioning people to find their answers and safe places (largely why it took me so long to come out). I never had anyone to ask about these things when I was younger, and a lot of the online resources for LGBT+ info (and autism in females) simply did not exist when I was a teenager. The only way to learn was to ask people. And since a lot of the terms now in use just weren’t well known (if they existed at all) until the past few years, a lot of us who are nearing or past 30 wouldn’t have had any idea of what to research had we just been told “it’s not MY job to educate you, go ask Google” when we began trying to understand gender and sexuality differences. It seems such a waste to send curious people rudely away when we FINALLY have such a wealth of information to share with them.

Sorry for being a nuisance tonight.

I’ll step off my soapbox now, and apologies to anyone whom I have made uncomfortable.

kittyboops:

solarine:

kiango:

gendertrashfromhell:

noitemsfoxonlyfinaldestination:

prince-of-peaches:

why do people on this website refuse to educate the very people who are ignorant about your identities thats just really stupid and counter productive

like you want cis people to respect your identities but how can they do that if youre always keeping them in the dark

the balls in your court

i’ve never understood I DON’T HAVE TO EDUCATE YOU like okay why are you even talking about anything social justice related, that’s the whole fucking point

to educate people and make them realize what we’ve gone through and understand us better

Poor cis people.. Stumbling around in the dark… When suddenly.. A Gender? That is so scary and confusing.. Keep those trans genders talking, make sure they explain their alien lifestyle in simple, easy to swallow terms.. Nothing too wild… we will never get trans police men unless we as trans people start collectively licking cis ass. Trans rights!

Dear OP:

This is why no one is required to educate you:

image

If we (LGBT+) people do not educate them, who will? The same goes for those of us on the autism spectrum, with disabilities, etc.

Google can only do so much to teach someone about something, without guidance from real-world teachers. A lot of people, cis or otherwise, are asking because they would rather learn about gender/sexuality differences from actual people, instead of a cold and clinical website. Wikipedia has the definitions and textbook explanations, sure, but does it have the real-world experiences of real people? No! I read TONS and tons of medical literature when I was preparing to become and EMT, but I learned more from the hands-on clinical experiences than I ever did from the textbooks. Should my Paramedic partner(s) have said “It’s not MY job to educate you, rookie scum” when I was new and had questions? After all, I had already read all the books and done the tests, so I should have learned all I needed to know, right? NO. Real-world, hands-on experience ALWAYS trumps website or textbook learning! I have been a private music teacher for 10 years now, and I say the same thing there. You can read all the music theory you want, but only a living teacher is going to be able to really show you how to play that instrument with any sort of mastery or technique.

Furthermore, you never know when the person asking is actually newly questioning their “cis” gender and/or sexual orientation, and by treating them like garbage and saying “It’s not MY job to educate you,” you are setting a very, very poor example for them and possibly even scaring them away from the community that should be there to help and provide a safer environment for them. With understanding and education comes acceptance, and is acceptance and tolerance not what we are trying to gain? It might make you momentarily feel better to lash out against an “oppressor,” but what does it really accomplish other than making our entire community look like a bunch of children with a blanket fort and a “no girls cishets allowed” sign taped to the door? What are we going to do next, throw rocks at them?

I am autistic and pansexual, with what I consider “balanced” gender (I’m comfortable identifying as female and have no physical dysphoria, but consider my mind to be equally male/female), and I am aware that most of the general population has no real idea about any of it, other than what they might see in the media or read in passing on someone’s blog. If they’re polite and genuinely curious about these things, and wish to educate themselves, WHO BETTER TO LEARN FROM than someone who’s actually THERE, LIVING it?

Instead of this shitty “It’s not MY job to educate you” attitude, try taking the approach of providing someone with web links AND THEN offering further help if they need it.

If I had come to Tumblr and read this sort of stuff while I was coming to terms with my sexuality, I can say right now that it would make me feel absolutely terrible about my identity and how I choose to express it in the real world. It still does, actually, which is why I participate very little in Tumblr’s social justice community. All this garbage about “kill all cis people” and “cishet scum” and “why would you choose to be cishet when it’s so boring” (implying that orientation/gender is a choice, which is kinda exactly the opposite of what we’re trying to teach said cis/hetero people) is NOT going to be something that actually helps us in the long run. Not only does it scare off cis/straight people (do we really need to give them REAL reasons to be wary/fearful of us? what exactly is that going to accomplish, other than getting more of us assaulted and killed?), but it also scares off new/questioning people who see that kind of language and decide to stay closeted since they feel that both cis and trans people are just going to be assholes to them until they’re “properly” trans/genderfluid/etc.

Luckily, my college’s LGBT club was very educational and welcoming to all as long as they behaved respectfully, and I had so many positive learning experiences that I was finally able to admit that I was at least bisexual, and actually have an aesthetic preference for women.

I know this rant probably won’t change much, if anything, but I had to try. If any of my fellow LGBT+ people who read this are angered by the fact that I think we should teach people instead of throwing rocks at them, perhaps you need to examine your methods. Are you after equality and justice, or are you after revenge and turning the oppressors into the oppressed?

If you can’t handle a simple question without flying off the handle and treating someone like dirt on the assumption that they’re cis/straight, do the rest of us a favour and just ignore it, or maybe show a modicum of respect and politely direct them to someone who CAN answer it.

This is all well and good for people who actually want to “learn”, but I have never in my life come across a person who wanted to. Every single person who has ever asked me about my being intersexed (who wasn’t someone I already knew) was just doing it to bait and argue with me about my identity, or to be a shithead and ask invasive, inappropriate questions to laugh about later.

If someone can’t be bothered to google nonbinary or anything similar to be able to create a framework for a mature discussion, they aren’t genuinely interested in knowing - they’re looking for a “lol what a freakshow” mock-discussion and they completely get off on it.

Get to know me, earn a modicum of trust, and then maybe will explain things if you can’t be assed to look things up. Otherwise? I don’t have the time and I’m not interested in another cyclical discussion that eventually turns around in “heshe cuntboy” mockery. Even if someone genuinely wants to know, there are literally entire online communities that are about teaching people about this; the geography of my body and my private sexual identity do not exist for a stranger’s education.

This rant wasn’t necessarily directed to you in particular, and I don’t mean to seem as if I am attacking you for your personal experiences. However, I do still hold the mentality that politeness in the face of questioning is the best approach, because you -never know- what someone might be going at when they first come to you.

I, too, have received many personal and uncomfortable questions about my sexuality and health issues. I can’t count the number of times that my neuro atypical behaviour and status have been poked fun at, and it often does degenerate into rude commentary about “Spergers” and “Autists” and we all know all of that. It doesn’t always end well for the educational end of things, but at least I tried.

Since publicly coming out, there have been so many questions from friends and acquaintances about my orientation and what it entails. Not all end up polite or understanding, but some do. Again, at least I tried.

If I have to field 9 dumb questions for every 1 genuine one, I’d rather do that if it means that the one person gets the help they need.

The ending premise of my previous post, which still stands, is that if you are unable/unwilling to answer questions and provide reasonable responses, ignore them or direct them to someone who IS willing, instead of becoming angry and lashing out.

Maybe I’ll open up a social justice blog geared toward fielding questions for other LGBT people who are too tired/uncomfortable to answer them. Might be worthwhile, since I feel so strongly about education instead of anger.

Character Questions

ABOUT THE MUSE.

General Appearance. — Fill out.

Name: Alhyste “Lhys” Nightrunner
Age: 132.
Gender: Female
Species: Elf.
Hair color: Raven black, so dark that it almost appears blue in some light.
Height: 5’4”
Scars: None visible.
Burns: None.
Over weight: Nope.
Under weight: Nope.

Favourite…

Colour: Purple, forest green.
Movie: N/A.
T.V Show: N/A.
Food: Fowl-based dishes, water chestnuts, peaches.
Drink: Herbal teas of most any sort.
Video Game: N/A.
Place: A small but luxurious house in Silvermoon.
Ice cream flavor: Mint chocolate chip.

Have you…

Had sex: Yes, and entirely regrets it.
Had sex in public: No.
Gotten pregnant: Never.
Kissed a boy: One.
Kissed a girl: Many, in the line of work.
Gotten tattoos: None, but she’s thinking about it.
Gotten piercings: A few small hoop piercings in her ears.
Smoked or drank: She drinks lightly. 
Had a broken heart: Yes, and not just from her relationship.
Been in love: Not really.
Needed surgery: Nope.
Stayed up for more than 24 hours: Yes, on occasion.

Are you…

A virgin: Nope.
A cuddler: Probably, but hasn’t had much chance for it.
A kisser: See above.
Scared easily: She tries not to be, but it doesn’t always work.
Jealous easily: Not really.
Trustworthy: She is now.
Dominate: On the job, she can be.
Submissive: Personality-wise, fairly.
In love: No.
Single: Yes.
In a relationship: No.
Considered mean: Not at all.

Random questions.

Have you harmed yourself: Not enough to leave marks.
Thought of suicide: Yes, but not recently.
Attempted suicide: Not seriously.
Killed someone: No, but it was close.
Wanted to kill someone: No, never.
Who did you kiss last: Vee.
Last text: She wrote a letter to one of the photographers she works with.
Drove a car: She rides a rug.
Have/had a job: Yes, she’s worked as a pinup/centerfold model for about thirty years.
Do drugs: No.

Character Questions

ABOUT THE MUSE.

General Appearance. — Fill out.

Name: Aeloren “Lori” Lasthanel
Age: 154.
Gender: Female.
Species: Elf.
Nationality: Sin’dorei.

Hair color: Pale gold.
Height: 5’2”
Scars: Faded slash/cut scars in various places on her body, mostly not very visible unless you know where to look. A puncture scar going through her, entrance and exit on the front and back of her right torso. A stab wound over her heart. Spiderwebbed scars surrounding a surgical scar running up the outside of her left ankle.
Burns: None.
Over weight: Slightly.
Under weight: Nope.

Favourite…

Colour: Red, orange, yellow, loud colours in general.
Movie: Don’t exist in her world.
T.V Show: See above.
Food: Anything meat-based, preferably grilled. Also sweets of most varieties.
Drink: Bourbon.
Video Game: N/A.
Place: Currently living with her brother, in his house in Silvermoon.
Ice cream flavor: Strawberry.

Have you…

Had sex: Yes.
Had sex in public: Nope.
Gotten pregnant: Never.
Kissed a boy: Just two.
Kissed a girl: One.
Gotten tattoos: None.
Gotten piercings: Only her earlobes.
Smoked or drank: Drinks fairly frequently, has tried smoking but does not like it. 
Had a broken heart: Yes.
Been in love: Once.
Needed surgery: Twice. The first on the torso wound, the second on her ankle.
Stayed up for more than 24 hours: Fairly frequently when she was active-duty military.

Are you…

A virgin: Nope.
A cuddler: Very much so.
A kisser: She likes it and doesn’t do nearly enough of it.
Scared easily: Not at all.
Jealous easily: Not easily, but it does happen.
Trustworthy: Very much so. 
Dominate: Sometimes.
Submissive: Sometimes.
In love: No. 
Single: Yes.
In a relationship: No.
Considered mean: Abrasive, but not mean.

Random questions.

Have you harmed yourself: If drinking herself into oblivion after her divorce counts, then yes.
Thought of suicide: Once or twice, never seriously thought about or acted on.
Attempted suicide: No.
Killed someone: Many, many, many Trolls. Also Orcs. And some Humans. Demons, too, and undead. The vast majority were Trolls, though.
Wanted to kill someone: Yes, rather obviously.
Who did you kiss last: Martellus.
Last text: She wrote a letter to Captain Revenar Screamshot.
Drove a car: She rides a chopper, actually.
Have/had a job: Yes. Currently, she’s working as a guard.
Do drugs: Alcohol.

Presenting: Emma’s Adventure in the Rocky Mountains!

In this video (fairly long, but hopefully worth it), I take the viewer on something of a tour of Colorado’s high mountain landscape and natural history. Here, you will learn about some of the native plant life, geology, weather, and other interesting things. You’ll see trees that were already ancient when Jesus walked the earth, see what it’s like to be at 12,500 feet above sea level and STILL have mountaintops rising above you, and my World of Warcraft buddies might enjoy getting to see what the Borean Tundra and Kun-Lai mountains might look like in real life. Enjoy!

kiango:

gendertrashfromhell:

noitemsfoxonlyfinaldestination:

prince-of-peaches:

why do people on this website refuse to educate the very people who are ignorant about your identities thats just really stupid and counter productive

like you want cis people to respect your identities but how can they do that if youre always keeping them in the dark

the balls in your court

i’ve never understood I DON’T HAVE TO EDUCATE YOU like okay why are you even talking about anything social justice related, that’s the whole fucking point

to educate people and make them realize what we’ve gone through and understand us better

Poor cis people.. Stumbling around in the dark… When suddenly.. A Gender? That is so scary and confusing.. Keep those trans genders talking, make sure they explain their alien lifestyle in simple, easy to swallow terms.. Nothing too wild… we will never get trans police men unless we as trans people start collectively licking cis ass. Trans rights!

Dear OP:

This is why no one is required to educate you:

image

If we (LGBT+) people do not educate them, who will? The same goes for those of us on the autism spectrum, with disabilities, etc.

Google can only do so much to teach someone about something, without guidance from real-world teachers. A lot of people, cis or otherwise, are asking because they would rather learn about gender/sexuality differences from actual people, instead of a cold and clinical website. Wikipedia has the definitions and textbook explanations, sure, but does it have the real-world experiences of real people? No! I read TONS and tons of medical literature when I was preparing to become and EMT, but I learned more from the hands-on clinical experiences than I ever did from the textbooks. Should my Paramedic partner(s) have said “It’s not MY job to educate you, rookie scum” when I was new and had questions? After all, I had already read all the books and done the tests, so I should have learned all I needed to know, right? NO. Real-world, hands-on experience ALWAYS trumps website or textbook learning! I have been a private music teacher for 10 years now, and I say the same thing there. You can read all the music theory you want, but only a living teacher is going to be able to really show you how to play that instrument with any sort of mastery or technique.

Furthermore, you never know when the person asking is actually newly questioning their “cis” gender and/or sexual orientation, and by treating them like garbage and saying “It’s not MY job to educate you,” you are setting a very, very poor example for them and possibly even scaring them away from the community that should be there to help and provide a safer environment for them. With understanding and education comes acceptance, and is acceptance and tolerance not what we are trying to gain? It might make you momentarily feel better to lash out against an “oppressor,” but what does it really accomplish other than making our entire community look like a bunch of children with a blanket fort and a “no girls cishets allowed” sign taped to the door? What are we going to do next, throw rocks at them?

I am autistic and pansexual, with what I consider “balanced” gender (I’m comfortable identifying as female and have no physical dysphoria, but consider my mind to be equally male/female), and I am aware that most of the general population has no real idea about any of it, other than what they might see in the media or read in passing on someone’s blog. If they’re polite and genuinely curious about these things, and wish to educate themselves, WHO BETTER TO LEARN FROM than someone who’s actually THERE, LIVING it?

Instead of this shitty “It’s not MY job to educate you” attitude, try taking the approach of providing someone with web links AND THEN offering further help if they need it.

If I had come to Tumblr and read this sort of stuff while I was coming to terms with my sexuality, I can say right now that it would make me feel absolutely terrible about my identity and how I choose to express it in the real world. It still does, actually, which is why I participate very little in Tumblr’s social justice community. All this garbage about “kill all cis people” and “cishet scum” and “why would you choose to be cishet when it’s so boring” (implying that orientation/gender is a choice, which is kinda exactly the opposite of what we’re trying to teach said cis/hetero people) is NOT going to be something that actually helps us in the long run. Not only does it scare off cis/straight people (do we really need to give them REAL reasons to be wary/fearful of us? what exactly is that going to accomplish, other than getting more of us assaulted and killed?), but it also scares off new/questioning people who see that kind of language and decide to stay closeted since they feel that both cis and trans people are just going to be assholes to them until they’re “properly” trans/genderfluid/etc.

Luckily, my college’s LGBT club was very educational and welcoming to all as long as they behaved respectfully, and I had so many positive learning experiences that I was finally able to admit that I was at least bisexual, and actually have an aesthetic preference for women.

I know this rant probably won’t change much, if anything, but I had to try. If any of my fellow LGBT+ people who read this are angered by the fact that I think we should teach people instead of throwing rocks at them, perhaps you need to examine your methods. Are you after equality and justice, or are you after revenge and turning the oppressors into the oppressed?

If you can’t handle a simple question without flying off the handle and treating someone like dirt on the assumption that they’re cis/straight, do the rest of us a favour and just ignore it, or maybe show a modicum of respect and politely direct them to someone who CAN answer it.

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